I grow up in a not so wealthy family. Both my parents work, but with 8 children everything seems to be a little harder. When i got married, abang asked me why did I choose to get married at such a young age. I went utterly speechless at first, but then after a while I found the suitable answer. Because I was so poor, I need to get married, at least I know abang will take care of me and Allah promises those who get married, Allah will grant them with bounty of rezeki, and make everything easier. .
After Aqeef was born, I thought I wanted to make him experience how hard it is to be poor, I meant to not living in luxury. But then you know, I keep buying things for him, anything he wants, and turn out that if he wants something, we’ll get it for him.We rarely say no. It is quite hard t say no. We do procrastinate but at the end of the day he still get it.
From the ‘poverty’ I endured when I was a kid, I developed some belief. Among them, I am easily irritated by people who know they are able to buy something but still want to ask, borrow or negotiate to buy something at cheaper price. I remember once I bought an easel from IKEA for Aqeef. Then there was a couple asked to buy it from me at cheaper price. Said I bought it at £12, this person wanted to buy from me at £6, and I just bought that easel for 3 weeks. I was wondering what was in their mind, what they were thinking when they asked to buy from me? I assumed they thought it would be better if the easel is used by their daughter instead of Aqeef? Or they thought I dont want the easel. So why did I buy it in the first place if dont want it? What a ridiculous art of buying! Whatever the reason was, it still rude and inappropriate to asked someone who just bought something for 3 weeks to sell it.
Then some people asked to rent a room in my house. As if a homestay. I have three bedrooms, and the one at the back, nobody sleep in it. It is the room I use to sew and put my dryer. And these people started to tell story like they come to London on budget, they want as cheapest rent as possible, they even cut it tight on food, they brought packets of MAGGI from Malaysia to make the trip as cheap as they can. COME ON!!! You are visiting LONDON. Why visit London if you dont have money. Go visit Perak, or Kedah or Pulau Perhentian. You managed to buy flight tickets to come to London, it means you have money. I understand if you are students, you come and need temporary accommodation to stay before you get your own place ( because I have experienced that kinda struggle before), or you are student from Egypt or Russia or Germany or France and other country around that come for winter break. But people on holiday, from Malaysia, come to London purposely to shopping and sightseeing? Ohhh come onnnnn. Are you kiding me? Be reasonable please!
I am still struggling to save some money to send my parents and mum in law to umrah, if I manage to do that, it may be the first time for them to be on flight! And I simply think people who tell so much story about how tight their holiday budget to London are selfish and trying to fool me. If you really dont have money you will not be able to come here, you know with all the complicated process- flight booking, passport making, check in to the plane and everything. My parents and mum in law, they dont even have passport. If I am to ask them to come to London, I have to have them go to Immigration first and get the passport done, then I have to write a letter to make sure they know what to do once they arrive airport, and many things. And of course I have to buy flight ticket for them. They are not your average flight traveler you have ever seen. Buying flight ticket, moreover to another country is just too extreme for them. All the ‘travel to another country’ things are strange for them. So people who say they are ‘poor’ but they come to London for holiday and want a cheap accommodation, I am sorry, tak dapek den nak nolong. I just cant stand the stupid feeling I gonna have if I help you. This is the obvious reason why I am not ready to let the extra room of my house to people who asked.
And I am very allergic to help people who steadily look like they are rich. You know like when you give something to someone who can actually buy that things with her own money. Why bother to help orang yang dah sedia senang’? Find someone who really needs it, it will be a sedekah (with pahala). Give it to someone who so-so in accepting it, it will a ‘hadiah’, you may or may not get any pahala from it. You know for example you give a school uniform to a poor kid, every day he wears it to school. Every he day made du’a may Allah grant you with bounty of nikmat and kebaikan. Then try give a pair of shoes to a rich fashionista artist, who owns a closet full of shoes. And you will wait forever to see her in the shoes you gave.
Life is about giving. But giving is an art. You have to know why you give, and what you may or may not get back.